Ryan Turner

Starting in January, I’ll be teaching a short fiction workshop at the Writers’ Fed, so I thought it might be a good idea to poke around the web and see what others have to say. So far I’ve found some gems. But I think my favourite is the book of 1001 character quirks: “If you have trouble making your characters come to life, this will be a boon! It’s a store of 1001 Character Quirks! Just like having a magic box of ideas for every character you could ever imagine … mix and match characteristics to come up with memorable characters for all your stories.”

For the writer without a shred of imagination, you can cut and paste these so-called character quirks straight from this wonderful book. I decided to start compiling my own list of 1001 (or maybe 5) character quirks in case writers out there have used up, and are at risk of repeating, the quirks in the above-mentioned tome.

1. if your character is elderly, give him or her a few nose hairs; have him or her wear a bathing cap when he or she is mowing the lawn.

2. give your character a sore neck that forces him or her to look down and have him or her comment frequently on the shape, texture, size, etc of other people’s shoes.

3. give your character a sore neck that forces him or her to look up and have him or her frequently run into unseen obstacles (ie. fire hydrants, lawn furniture, children under the age of six).

4. if your character is missing teeth, give him or her the ability to shoot peas at unsuspecting grocery clerks.

5. have your character believe that his or her pet has the uncanny ability to understand Mandarin, a language which he or she was prohibited from learning by his or her American (and staunchly anti-Communist) father.